Writer: Eric Aronson (Screenplay) Kyril Bonfiglioli (Novel)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Munn, Jonny Pasvolsky, Michal Culkin, Ulrich Thomsen
Plot: Juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part time rogue Charlie Mortdecai races to recover a stolen painting rumoured to contain a code that leads to lost Nazi gold.
There may be spoilers the rest of the review
Verdict: Painfully Boring
Story: Mortdecai starts by introducing himself and explaining how he is searching for something that will make him complete. Mortdecai (Depp) is an international antiques dealer who is no broke and after a deal goes wrong his muscle Jock (Bettany) has to help him escape. Mortdecai like most rich men who think they can have everything but he is being controlled by his wife Johanna (Paltrow). Mortdecai will have to continue to sell his possessions to help raise the money he need.
After an art restorer is murdered the work she is working on is also stolen leading to Inspector Martland (McGregor) leading the investigation which means seeing Mortdecai to learn about any deals in the works. Mortdecai agrees to help but only to keep the file about his closed. We watch how Mortdecai investigates who could have taken the painting while other interested parties also look into finding out who has it.
Mortdecai tries to enter into the world of a heist film and uses all the generic trademarks of one too. The problem is that it tries to be a comedy heist and simply put there are no laughs leaving everything coming off very hard to watch. The on running moustache jokes gets boring very quickly but they keep returning to it every five minutes and when you have to resort to vomit gags you know you ran out of ideas. This ends up being one of the most boring films I have seen in years and with such star power you would expect a lot more. (1/10)
Johnny Depp: Mortdecai an eccentric millionaire who gets caught up in trying to find out who took a famous piece of art. His adventures are weird and wild as he doesn’t have a true understand of the world outside his rich circles. Johnny really needs to stop trying to play weird characters because it just doesn’t work anymore. (2/10)
Gwyneth Paltrow: Johanna wife of Mortdecai who has to try and sale work to regain the family fortune while dealing with a potential love interests from long term friend Martland. Gwyneth did look the part for this role but can’t pull off the comedy. (4/10)
Paul Bettany: Jock the muscle and man slave of Mortdecai who solves all the problems he finds himself in. Paul is the only one that gets any sort of laugh with his womanising ways but such a waste of talent in this role. (5/10)
Ewan McGregor: Martland MI5 agent who is looking for the missing art work along with Mortdecai. Ewan doesn’t make the impact his character should and ends up being a boring cop. (3/10)
Support Cast: Mortdecai is filled with different parties who want to art or Mordecai himself they all come off very generic and offer nothing new.
Director Review: David Koepp – David gives us one of the worst films of the year already. (2/10)
Comedy: Mortdecai doesn’t have any quality laughs. (0/10)
Settings: Mortdecai uses well known settings to tell us which country the events are happening in. (5/10)
Suggestion: Mortdecai just avoid like the plague, even diehard Depp fans will think this is terrible. (Avoid It)
Best Part: Not one.
Worst Part: Depp performance.
Improve Ideas: Make it funny.
Believability: No (0/10)
Chances of Tears: No (0/10)
Chances of Sequel: Please God No.
Post Credits Scene: No
Oscar Chances: Unlikely
Box Office: $10 Million first weekend.
Budget: $60 Million
Runtime: 1 Hour 47 Minutes
Tagline: Sophistication has a name
Overall: I have seen a few stinkers in my time but this actually makes Ocean’s 12 look like it should have won best picture.